Crossdressing Men: Breaking Through the Boundaries of Gender
An Essay by Ms Heather of Femphone.com
To learn more about the author, Visit Her Blog
It takes a lot of courage for a man to be a crossdresser. It takes even
more courage to wear those clothes out of the closet! There are so many
myths and labels and prejudiced ideas towards crossdressing men out there
today, that it is sometimes hard for these men to feel the freedom to really
be themselves. So what makes a man want to wear women's clothing? There are
many different reasons that men enjoy dressing in female clothes, and not
all of them have to do with sex.
Are All Crossdressing Men Gay?
Absolutely not. I have known a lot of men who crossdress, who are not interested
in other men at all. They are often married men who are completely
heterosexual, only they enjoy the feel of silky satin panties or sexy nylons
on their skin. While it is the exception and not the norm, in some
instances their wives are aware of their crossdressing needs and fully
embrace this... and why not? After all, a crossdressing man is the most fun
to go shopping with! No worries about them whining that they want to go
home, or that they'd rather go to Home Depot than Victoria's Secret, and if
you are really lucky and wear a similar size, then you can borrow clothes
from each other, thereby doubling your wardrobe! However, just because the
wife or girlfriend is comfortable with her crossdressing male partner does
not necessarily mean that they are comfortable with the rest of the free
world knowing about it. This often times means that crossdressing escapades
are kept behind bedroom doors or in the privacy of their own home, or that
the taboo items are worn in secret under 'normal' male clothing. Just
because the wife or girlfriend is accepting of it unfortunately doesn't mean
the employer necessarily will be.
For many crossdressing men, they feel uneasy telling their wives or
girlfriends about their desires to dress in female clothing. They are
concerned about the reaction they may get from their partner if they reveal
these deepest of desires. Most times it does not go over well and all do
not live happily ever after. This is usually because the partner doesn't
take the time to ask questions about her crossdressing man's reasons for
wanting to dress this way. They worry that this means he is gay, or at the
very least, bisexual. For some, knowing that a man enjoys wearing panties
or bras seems to totally strip away any sense of masculinity in their eyes.
Even if he only wears these items in the bedroom or during his private time,
they can no longer look at him as the provider, the protector, the man they
thought he was. This causes most crossdressing men to keep their hobby a secret, and sometimes can put a strain on relationships. It's often a
double edged sword... the crossdressing man sometimes resents his partner
for not being able to reveal this part of himself to her. But on the other
hand, if he does reveal it, then he often times will lose her as a part of
his life. This is why I say that crossdressers have a lot of courage... it
takes guts to wear panties.
Ok Then, Do Men Who Crossdress Actually Want To Be Women?
Not necessarily. Wearing women's clothing is not always an indication of a
man's sexuality. Some men just like the feel of the clothing on their skin.
They feel somehow comforted when the slip on a nice pair of pantyhose or a
satin bra. It could be that they are missing something from their childhood
and these items bring back a sense of security or comfort. Perhaps they have
high stress jobs with a lot of responsibility, and the feel of a silky slip
reminds them of being comforted by their mother when they were young and had
no responsibility. Or it could just be that they like pantyhose! Many men
are perfectly happy with their male bodies and their male sexuality. The
clothing they put on over that body has no effect on their sexual preference
or the desire to change their gender.
On the other hand, some males who crossdress do so because they truly do
want to become women. They may feel that although they were born with male
bodies, that their personality is female, and they may have had these
instincts and desires for as long as they can remember... including the
earliest memories of their childhood. These men should most often be
refered to as 'transgendered' and not just 'crossdressers', although many
times they are grouped together by the general public due to lack of
knowledge and understanding. Which is unfortunate, because one of the main
things a transgender or crossdresser needs is a little understanding from
those around him.
So What Kind Of A Guy Would Wear a Dress?
All kinds. There are crossdressers in every walk of life... I have had the
privilege of speaking to crossdressing men of all types throughout the
years, and in every profession, including doctors, lawyers, bankers,
politicians, professional sports players, CEO's of big corporations,
fast-food restaurant managers, garbage collectors, school teachers, you name
it! And they are always comforted when I let them know that they are not
alone in their secrets. You may be shocked if you were given x-ray glasses
for just one day and discovered how many men in your daily life are wearing
panties and/or bras underneath those business suits.
I Just Found Out My Friend/Boyfriend/Husband Is a Crossdresser... What Now?
The most important thing is... don't freak out. Your crossdressing male is
still the same person he was before you found out he liked to wear women's
clothing. Try to be non-judgmental, open, and willing to listen. Don't get
angry or upset with him, give him a chance to tell you how he's feeling and
what this part of his life means to him. If you want to know something,
don't be afraid to ask him questions. Be honest and up front with him...
are you worried he might be gay or bisexual? Ask him! Do you want to know
how long he's been doing this? He may be relieved to tell you! Want to know
what size panties he wears so you can share with him? Ok, I know, that may
be rushing it a bit... but why not? He may love it if you show your
acceptance of him and offer to help him with his crossdressing hobby. On
the other hand, he may say although he's glad you're okay with it, he would
rather keep as a private and personal thing. This is okay too, and whatever
he decides to do, you should try and understand and give him his own space.
He may be uncertain of how you will react after you've had time to think
about it and is nervous for what the future holds. Just give him time,
patience and love, and you may just find that you not only have all the
qualities you loved in your male friend, but also all the qualities you love
in a good girl friend. (See related: "So you just found our your man has fantasies about bisexuality?)
I'm A Crossdresser And I Just Got Busted! What Now?
The most important thing is... don't freak out. I know what you're
thinking... wait, didn't you already say that to everyone else? Yes, I did,
but it's just as important for you to stay calm. The person who found you
out may be feeling a lot of different and confused emotions right now and
may be afraid of what it means that you are a crossdresser. The best thing
to do is give them some time to come to terms with what they've learned, and
let it sink in a little bit. They may want to talk... if they do, let them
ask you any questions they may have, and try to explain yourself the best
way you know how. Be honest... if you don't really know why you like to
crossdress, then tell them so. Don't make something up because you think
that's what they want to hear. They will eventually find out if you don't
lay the cards on the line. And be prepared for rejection... not everyone
has it in them to accept the unknown or the unfamiliar. If this happens,
dust yourself off and keep on plugging away. It is better to be true to
yourself and be who you are, then to smother that part of you and resent
someone else for it! You will find that there are people who will accept
and love you for who you are, just don't give up.
The Final Thought
Crossdressing has been going on for hundreds or thousands of years and by many powerful
men throughout history. In some countries, men still wear skits and dresses
and it's just another part of their tradition. Don't let the clothing
someone is wearing influence your thought of them as a person, and don't let
your choice of clothing make you feel like less of a person, either. We are
all beautifully unique on the inside and out, so let's embrace that with
open arms
By Ms Heatherof Femphone.com
